I’ve got an Inner Optimizer.
She’s so efficient, she doesn’t even waste time with having a better name for herself. She’s committed to getting the MOST out of my time, energy and resources — at all costs! Sometimes she’s a godsend. Sometimes it is a good idea to pick up bread and fruit along with the milk.
But when she slips into being the the MAXIMIZER she becomes a tyrant!
Case in point: My Love-Hate relationship with Grocery Shopping
I used to drive my husband (and myself!) crazy because I was not physically capable of going to the store “just for milk”. I would head to the store with the best of intentions (“just milk, just milk, just milk”). But no matter how hard I tried, I would come home an hour (or more!) later with a carload of groceries–sacrificing a relaxing morning, eating breakfast with my family, and anything else I might have wanted to do with my day– to an obsessive lust for efficiency. Optimization at all costs!
It seemed so ridiculous, but I felt completely hijacked by that Inner Optimizer — as well as frustrated, grouchy, and resentful about all the little people in my house who had the audacity to …eat all the food up, not “let” me get what I wanted, etc. etc.
Turns out what was masquerading as “efficiently” and optimization was nothing more than fear and scarcity. (Oh no, what if I need this later and I don’t have it? What if I forget something? What if I change my mind and I and want something different?)
Hear all about my nutty grocery shopping hangups in today’s video:
The good news is that you don’t have to banish your Inner Optimizer (which would never work anyway)– you simply need to re-direct her. Chances are, you’ve never given her direction on what she was optimizing for— so she just went with her own agenda (and habitual pattern).
You get her optimizing for peace, connection, ease, joy, playfulness, enjoyment, pleasure, play….well, then… your life will start looking (and feeling) pretty OPTIMAL!
Please tell me I’m not the only one! Share your own Inner Optimizer/MAXIMZER stories in the comments below:
Hi Katherine,
I had such a laugh watching your video! I recognized myself in the very beginning of your email.
You’re so not alone! And happy to hear I’m not as well. 🙂
I noticed I do it very often not only when “buying milk”. For example I was heading to the beach the other day and my bag looked like I’m about to go camping! Every time I thought I was ready I came up with new thing I might need.
Thank you Katherine for this insight! I’ll be sure to remind myself to choose to optimize for ease and joy.
Tomorrow is beach day again. I’ll keep you posted! 😉
<3
Sonja
yeah! thank you, I’m not alone in this.
I jokingly call myself the bag lady because I always have lots of them– just in case I want my stuff while I’m out!
“Optimize for experience, not efficiency.” I love it!
exactly! unless the experience you want is…efficiency!
Hi Katherine~
I can’t tell you how much I enjoy reading your column! I’m not even sure how I got on your mailing list, but you are spot on in your observations! Your piece about the inner optimizer struck home and got me thinking about the areas in my life that need work. I’ve never been able to identify this so clearly. My mother was a queen of optimizing and I know that’s where I received such amazing practice. That, in addition to having 3 brothers, a father, a husband of 39 years and 3 sons (a world of testosterone) set me up in my home and work life to try to be as efficient as possible at all costs to just “get it done.” I have had the same shopping experience you describe for years. Thank you for your insight – it certainly has clarified a lot of my characteristics and gives me hope to integrate your ideas into my life to ease up, chill out and enjoy the ride!
Cheers, Ms. Ellen (I remember you from years ago @ the library)
Of course, i remember you, Ms Ellen– storyteller and puppeteer from the library storytimes! My kiddos are 11 and 13 now. 🙂
I am SO glad my experience resonates with you– and opens up options for you besides efficiency at all costs.
What I wish for you– and all my readers– is RANGE–and autonomy within your range. Your optimizer is an incredible ally IF you lead her in what to optimize for.